What is BPD?

When I was initially diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, I had no clue what it was or why they diagnosed me with it. All I knew at the time was that my doctor gave me a piece of paper with a story on it and told me to highlight everything that I thought pertained to me and how I felt. The entire page was highlighted. After I got back home I got online and immediately started researching BPD. I found a book that helped me understand it better than any articles you'll find on the internet and I recommend it to you...

It was a great book...

So, What is BPD? Well, in my experience, it's a condition in which you experience long-term unstable emotions of extreme highs to extreme lows. It's like being on an emotional rollercoaster. I never see the medium of anything or anybody it's always black or white, good or bad. From what I have learned about BPD the causes are unknown but risk factors include:

• Abandonment in childhood or adolescence
• Disrupted family life
• Poor communication in the family
• Sexual Abuse

I was never sexually abused but I was very young when my parents divorced and that brought up my abandonment issues and the disrupted family life. I moved back and forth between my mom and my dad because I didn't know how to communicate with them. I believe that I have always had BPD even though I was not diagnosed with it until the age of 21.

Symptoms

As stated before people with BPD see everything as black OR white, good OR bad, with no medium. Their outlook on other people change quickly. They can idolize someone one day and then the next without any explanation not like them at all.
Other Symptoms of BPD include:

• Fear of being abandoned
• Feelings of emptiness and boredom
• Frequent displays of inappropriate anger
• Impulsiveness with money, substance abuse, sexual relationships, binge eating, or shoplifting
• Intolerance of being alone
• Repeated crises and acts of self-injury, such as wrist cutting or overdosing

Complications

• Depression
• Drug Abuse
• Problems with work, family, and social relationships
• Suicide attempts and actual suicide

I didn't know what BPD was before I went to the doctor and I certainly didn't know that I had it. I knew there was something wrong with me but I just thought that maybe it was some kind of depression. It turned out that I had BPD and it's good that I went to the doctor when I did or I otherwise would have self-destructed. If you or someone you may know shows the signs and symptoms of BPD please see your doctor because its not something that you can handle on your own. I no longer see my doctor but that is for financial reasons but after all the seasons with her I know somewhat how to control it. My life is not easy and until recently has been quite chaotic. Now, I'm trying to get it under control and try and make necessary changes. It will not be easy for me but I'm trying to keep faith that I can push through. My friends and family know I have BPD and they want to try and help me. It is always GREAT to have a support system.

Now that I have told you about my life story and what BPD actually is. My plan now is to start posting different things about my life and more information about the disorder as I come across it. There is a lot of people, famous people, that you never would have guessed had it. Did you know that Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana both had BPD? It's funny because I have always idolized the both of them. I locked myself in my bedroom for a week and cried when Princess Diana died.

Do you like my postings? Are you interested in what I have to say? Your feedback is greatly appreciated. :)

XOXO,

Tiffany